This morning as I walked to my van I heard a sand crane loudly calling for its mate. See sand cranes mate for life. Eventually the crane flew right over me alone, calling, crying for its mate to answer. At that moment I was overwhelmed with sadness. Like the crane i thought I had my life partner when I got married 15 years ago. As the day approaches for the divorce to be final I am a bag of mixed emotions. I know without a doubt divorce is my only option. I’m not really going to explain all of the reasons why it is the only option but it is. Divorce is not something i have willy-nilly decided to do. My logical side knows this is the best thing for me. My heart side sometimes reminds me of the things i miss about being married, like having someone to talk to about my day or having someone else do homework with the kids.
But then I turned on the radio and a Taylor Swift song came on that I feel like I could have written. “White Horse” says, “I’m not princess, this ain’t a fairy tale. This ain’t Hollywood.” Those words as so true. For too long I tried desperately to hold onto the fairy tale. A couple of Sundays ago my friend Chaz was preaching and I had an “ah ha” moment. I realized that even though i could’ve walked away from my marriage several years ago if I had at that time i would not have been able to handle this without being a bitter, angry person. I don’t have all the answers but I do know without any doubt that I rest daily in God’s grace. All I can do is daily extend that very same grace to the people around me.
Today I am thankful for grace.