But then I turned on the radio and a Taylor Swift song came on that I feel like I could have written. “White Horse” says, “I’m not princess, this ain’t a fairy tale. This ain’t Hollywood.” Those words as so true. For too long I tried desperately to hold onto the fairy tale. A couple of Sundays ago my friend Chaz was preaching and I had an “ah ha” moment. I realized that even though i could’ve walked away from my marriage several years ago if I had at that time i would not have been able to handle this without being a bitter, angry person. I don’t have all the answers but I do know without any doubt that I rest daily in God’s grace. All I can do is daily extend that very same grace to the people around me.

Today I am thankful for grace.

Now looking back I can see where things went wrong. I can see where I should have done things differently. I sometimes get stuck in the “what if” trap. That is not a good place to be. I can’t move on with my life and walk the road God has for me if I am constantly looking back to dwell on the past. My heart still hurts from the years of trial. But I hold my head high, resting in the knowledge that God is not finished with me. He has a plan for me and I am ready, willing and able to follow Him.

I also received an email about a job that I would love to have and that would pay a lot more than I am making now, even with the raise. The catch? You have to have a Bachelor’s degree. And I have not yet completed my degree. So I think getting that email was the kick in the pants that I needed to finally sit down and figure out my options. Do I continue in the program at Liberty U or do I transfer to a local school? Do I stay with psychology or do I change my major to something like organizational managment? These are questions I have been asking myself for months and still can’t answer. I think part of me is a little scared to choose a path and stick with it. But if there is one thing that I have learned about myself in this past year it is that I can accomplish way more than I have ever given myself credit for.

last night i got to watch brooklyn’s finest. i thought over all it was a pretty good movie. every other word was f*** this and f*** that but i think it was probably pretty close to real life in brooklyn.

backing up to this past sunday, my aunt mel and grandma were in town. so i got to see them over at my great aunt june’s house. i also got to see some of my cousins that i haven’t seen since probably 2002 before we moved to NC. it was a nice afternoon reconnecting with my mom’s side of the family. i wish i was closer to them and saw them more. i am hoping i can swing going to NC for thanksgiving this year. my aunt mel told me my mom is doing ok. she has breast cancer and is in jail(very long story). she went through some serious chemo. she lost all of her hair. aunt mel said that her last letter said that her hair was growing back in and is short and fuzzy now. i am glad that it looks like she has made it through.

my dad and brother have been working on putting an above ground pool in. i think we may be close to being able to swim in it. the kids will have lots of fun once it is ready. craig has finally learned how to ride his bike, granted it has training wheels on it but at Christmas he was afraid to even try and now he can ride down to the end of the driveway and turn around and come back all on his own.

the girls are getting ready to leave for youth camp. they will be gone all next week. i know that they are going to have a blast and that they are going to be with people that i trust but it is still a little hard to let them go. i guess that is part of why God gives us babies and not teenagers. it takes time to get used to cutting the apron strings and let your children go into the world. they are looking forward to all of the activities, horseback riding, whitewater rafting, goliath swing, zip line and many other things. they have to at the church at 4 am on monday to get on the bus. that is going to be hard to get them up!! i have decided that i am going into work at noon that day so that i can maybe take a nap before heading to work.

i think i have come to realize exactly how husbands feel when they come home from work and are bombarded by the things that have happened at home that day. i feel overwhelmed sometimes when i get home from work. it seems like everyone jumps right on me and i can hardly even think. i know that i am extremely blessed to be living with my dad and stepmom and i appreciate more than words can ever express how much they have helped me and the kids over this past 11 months. i don’t know if i would have been able to hold everything together if it had not been for them.

today on facebook i learned that a friend is one the way to china to adopt a baby girl. our youth pastor and his wife are in the process of adopting a child from ethiopia and are sharing their journey through a blog. i really love this aspect of technology, the part where even though i live 10 hours away from my friend going to china, i can share in the experience with them. the part i don’t like is all of the garbage out there. the garbage and instant access to it all contributed to what my life is now, that of a single mom with three kids.

i went back to school several years ago to finish my degree but i have taken the past year off because of everything that has been going on. but i think it is time to go back to school and finally finish the degree so that maybe i can move into a better paying job. the issue though is what degree should i get. i am pretty close to completing a psych degree and i really like where i work and that degree is in the field i am already working in. so it would probably be a good idea to get the psych degree. but i have also been considering a degree in organizational management. that would be useful in other fields. so decisions, decisions.

well i think i have probably rambled on enough seeing as how my word count is almost 900. i just looked at the i had typed in for this post, randomness, and I guess i have used that before because the web address for this post is randomness-3. oh well. it is what it is as my brother loves to say.

The second week was VBS at church. Sarah was able to be a crew leader this year since she volunteered last year. Kaley was an assistant crew leader. Craig had fun learning more about God and His plan for our lives.

Sarah & Kaley got to see Toy Story 3 with the youth group on opening weekend. I must confess it was a little hard for me to drop them off at the movie theater instead of staying with them. They are growing up so fast and I know I have to loosen my grasp on them but sometimes it is hard for me to do. I want them to keep their childhood innocence for as long as possible. As a late birthday present I took Craig and a friend to see Toy Story 3. I must say I liked the third movie as much as the first two. Toy Story has been one of my favorite Pixar movies since it came out.

This week the kids are spending time with Grandpa T. Today they took a train ride over to Tampa for the day. Grandpa T has always liked to take the kids to the train station in Winter Park to watch the trains. Tomorrow they are heading to the beach for a few days. They will be back home on Friday. As much as I love my kids, I am enjoying a few days of quiet. I will be ready for them to be home on Friday.

Work has been keeping me busy. More and more I really enjoy my job. I am an admin specialist now. I really enjoy this much more than being on the phones. I also have been able to learn another part of the business as I am now working on the Inpatient side of things. We are supposed to be having our annual reviews soon and with that comes a raise. More money is always nice!

Well I should sign off. I am going to try to post a little more often. I really do enjoy writing and have let the busyness of life keep me from doing one of the things I love.

Today has been a good day. I dropped Kaley off at a pool party with kids from her class. Then I headed to Old Navy to see if I could take advantage of the extra 50% off sale they were having. I only found a pair of shorts for Craig. I got them for $3.75 so I was pretty satisfied. Then I headed over to JoAnn’s to pick up some craft stuff. I came home with a new storage thing for my beads that was regularly $24.99 and on clearance for $5.97. I love getting a good deal!! Then the rain came and I was stuck in the store for a while. But I didn’t want stand around so I made a run for it. Boy was I glad that I had flip flops on instead of sneakers!

Kaley had fun at the pool party even with the rain. Craig got to spend time with Uncle B today. They went to see Prince of Persia. They both said it was a good movie. The trip to the movie was Uncle B’s birthday gift to Craig. Monday I am taking the kids to see their dad. Craig will get to celebrate his birthday again with the other set of grandparents.

Tomorrow I think the kids and I may have a movie day here at home. I think I may head over to the Red Box website and see what is new.

Me: How many?

Craig: Two more days!

Me: Really? I can’t believe that you will be 8 years old in jsut 2 more days! I remember when I held you cradled in my arms.

Craig: And now I am going to be 8 and now I can play video games.

I love that kid. Today he took chocolate chip cookies from the Publix bakery to school to share with his classmates. His grandma also went to school to eat lunch with him today. We all just had a yummy chocolate cupcake that Grandma made for him today. On Memorial Day he will see his dad and the other set of grandparents to celebrate his birthday.

8 years ago my life changed forever as I became the mother of a son, the mother of three beautiful children. 8 years ago I could only imagine what he would be like as a boy growing into a man. My prayer as he continues to grow is that he will become the man that God wants him to be.

I love you Buddy!!! Happy 8th Birthday Craig!

My motto that I have been clinging to of late is, “Life is not about weathering the storm but learning how to dance in the rain.” Not sure where the quote came from but it truly describes where I am. A huge storm has been raging around me these last few months. There have been many changes and many surprises along the way. One that has never changed is that I know God is with me even in the midst of trial and pain.

I have learned a lot about myself these past couple of months. I learned that I can manage my household bills. I have learned that I can make decisions with out having to second guess myself every step of the way. I have learned that I am surrounded by a family that loves me just as I am. I have friends that would do just about anything for me (as I would do for them). I have a church family that has been there for me in a way that I kind of thought no longer existed.

Being married to a minister, I saw the sometimes very ugly side of the “church”, the politics, the power struggles, the selfishness of people only wanting their way, not God’s way. But my church family at Eastpoint has shown me that there are churches that really do strive to accept people where they are, warts and all as some people say. I feel so blessed to be a part of God’s family. God has blessed me in so many ways these past few months. I am do grateful for the blessings but I am also grateful for the growth in me that has come from the pain.

If you have been one of the people that has stood by me, prayed for me or given me an encouraging word, THANK YOU!

I did not realize that it has been almost 2 months since I have posted here. Wow! Amazing what happens when I no longer have a laptop. That is a whole story all by itself!

Couple of updates: Cyndi’s first surgery went very well. They got the whole thing out. It weighed a little over 3 pounds. The great news is there was NO CANCER to be found in the tumor!!

On Monday she is having her second surgery to remove the tumor by her kidney. This one will be done laprascopically(i know that is not spelled correctly but spell check had no suggestions). The doctor is supposed to be using the robot to assist in the surgery. If you are a Grey’s Anatomy fan it is the same robot that was in one of the last episodes last season. The kids and I are going down on Friday to celebrate Cyndi’s youngest’s birthday and ust spend sometime together.

The kids have been spending the summer between both sets of grandparents. They are currently with my in-laws. This time they will been gone for 2 weeks. I miss them bunches but I know they are having fun. They went fishing last week and are taking a trip to the beach this week. Then they are home again for 2 weeks. This summer has flown by so quickly. It seems they just got out of school and we are already having to think about school supplies!

My oldest got to spend four days getting to know her way around her new school. The middle school she will be attending does a “puppy” camp over the summer for the incoming 6th graders so that they can learn how the school is set up and meet some of the teachers and administrators. It is called puppy camp because the mascot is a Husky. She has lots of fun and made a new friend or two. She is really excited about starting 6th grade.

With the kids gone, hubby and I enjoyed a quiet three day weekend for the 4th of July. We both donated blood on Friday. Rented a couple of movies. Could not even bring ourselves to finish Paul Blart: Mall Cop. We thought it was that bad. Hubby made some really great burgers on Saturday. I made home made french fries. I have not made those in so long.

Well that is all for now. The kids just called.

To catch you up, Cyndi went to the doctor on Monday, April 27th, with pain in her abdomen that had gotten progressively worse over the past few weeks. A CT scan was ordered and it was discovered that she had a mass the size of a cantaloupe or honeydew depending on which doctor looked at it. She also has a much smaller mass by her left kidney. After meeting with a GYN oncologist and a urologist it was decided that the best course of action was to first remove the large mass and in a 2nd surgery remove the mass by her kidney. The reason for this decision was to limit the exposure to possible cancer cells. The urologist said that in his experience 9 out of 10 cases like this are cancer.

So today she went in to remove the large mass. Surgery went well and the large mass was not cancerous. That is a HUGE praise. She is now resting and hooked up to the medicine pump to help with her pain.

I just want to share a couple of things that show me that God has been in this every step of the way. Cyndi had her annual physical back in Aug of last year. Both her regular doctor and her OB/GYN missed the growth near her uterus. Because they missed it the mass by her kidney was found before it had grown enough to start causing trouble with her kidney. Also Cyndi was a candy-striper when she was in high school. The doctor she worked for all those years ago is a family friend and she took her scans to him so she could have a second opinion. She called him on Tuesday of last week and was able to see him the next day. Also Cyndi’s husband works for the county where they live and has enough time accumulated that he will be able to be off from work while she recovers from both of the surgeries. For those of us that have kids, that is huge.

I did go down last weekend to see if I could help get things done around the house so her husband would have less to worry about while Cyndi is in the hospital. I don’t really think I got a lot done but I know it helped both of us to be able to spend some time together. See if we had not moved back to Orlando last year, then I would not have been able to go last weekend to spend time with her.

Though there are times that I can’t make sense of what God is trying to accomplish in my life, I know that whatever may come happens for a very specific reason. Some things thrown my way have been really hard to deal with but knowing that God has a reason and that He will never leave my side makes it easier to get through the hard times.

So praise the Lord with me that Cyndi’s surgery went well. And pray with me that her recovery is quick and that the 2nd surgery goes well as well.