Looking back

You know how all of a sudden you realize time has just flown by and you look back and say, “wow, that was fast. How did I get here?” That is kind of how I have been feeling lately. Yesterday marked 15 years of marriage. Granted the past year has been spent apart and the divorce papers are signed. But looking back to that day 15 years ago I never in a million years thought I would ever file for divorce. I was going to be the one to have a marriage that lasted. I come from a family with many broken marriages, mostly on my mom’s side of the family. So as I prepared to say, “I do” I just knew that we would be together, “until death do us part.”

Now looking back I can see where things went wrong. I can see where I should have done things differently. I sometimes get stuck in the “what if” trap. That is not a good place to be. I can’t move on with my life and walk the road God has for me if I am constantly looking back to dwell on the past. My heart still hurts from the years of trial. But I hold my head high, resting in the knowledge that God is not finished with me. He has a plan for me and I am ready, willing and able to follow Him.

It is nice to be noticed

Today was payday and that always makes Friday that much better! Anyway today was also annual review day at work. I am an admin specialist for an insurance company. I have worked for the company a year and a half now. I started out as a CSR on the phones. About 7 months ago I moved into my current position. I really enjoy my job because I get to help people get their jobs done. I also have been able to learn more about a different part of the company. So today I got to sit down with my supervisor and get feedback about my performance. Those types of meetings always put butterflys in my stomach. But I was very happy when I walked out of my supervisor’s office. I got a raise. Not a go out and be wild kind of raise but an increase is still an increase. The best part was finally have in print that I am good at my job and how I do my work is appreciated by those around me. I got probably one of the best reviews I have ever gotten. And you know what? It was nice. =)

I also received an email about a job that I would love to have and that would pay a lot more than I am making now, even with the raise. The catch? You have to have a Bachelor’s degree. And I have not yet completed my degree. So I think getting that email was the kick in the pants that I needed to finally sit down and figure out my options. Do I continue in the program at Liberty U or do I transfer to a local school? Do I stay with psychology or do I change my major to something like organizational managment? These are questions I have been asking myself for months and still can’t answer. I think part of me is a little scared to choose a path and stick with it. But if there is one thing that I have learned about myself in this past year it is that I can accomplish way more than I have ever given myself credit for.

randomness

i want to write but i’m not really sure what to say so it will just be random. monday craig got bitten by a spider (we think). took him to centracare and he is on antibiotics for the infection. at least he is being a good sport about taking the medicine. going to centracare was not how i planned to spend my monday evening but such is life with kids.

last night i got to watch brooklyn’s finest. i thought over all it was a pretty good movie. every other word was f*** this and f*** that but i think it was probably pretty close to real life in brooklyn.

backing up to this past sunday, my aunt mel and grandma were in town. so i got to see them over at my great aunt june’s house. i also got to see some of my cousins that i haven’t seen since probably 2002 before we moved to NC. it was a nice afternoon reconnecting with my mom’s side of the family. i wish i was closer to them and saw them more. i am hoping i can swing going to NC for thanksgiving this year. my aunt mel told me my mom is doing ok. she has breast cancer and is in jail(very long story). she went through some serious chemo. she lost all of her hair. aunt mel said that her last letter said that her hair was growing back in and is short and fuzzy now. i am glad that it looks like she has made it through.

my dad and brother have been working on putting an above ground pool in. i think we may be close to being able to swim in it. the kids will have lots of fun once it is ready. craig has finally learned how to ride his bike, granted it has training wheels on it but at Christmas he was afraid to even try and now he can ride down to the end of the driveway and turn around and come back all on his own.

the girls are getting ready to leave for youth camp. they will be gone all next week. i know that they are going to have a blast and that they are going to be with people that i trust but it is still a little hard to let them go. i guess that is part of why God gives us babies and not teenagers. it takes time to get used to cutting the apron strings and let your children go into the world. they are looking forward to all of the activities, horseback riding, whitewater rafting, goliath swing, zip line and many other things. they have to at the church at 4 am on monday to get on the bus. that is going to be hard to get them up!! i have decided that i am going into work at noon that day so that i can maybe take a nap before heading to work.

i think i have come to realize exactly how husbands feel when they come home from work and are bombarded by the things that have happened at home that day. i feel overwhelmed sometimes when i get home from work. it seems like everyone jumps right on me and i can hardly even think. i know that i am extremely blessed to be living with my dad and stepmom and i appreciate more than words can ever express how much they have helped me and the kids over this past 11 months. i don’t know if i would have been able to hold everything together if it had not been for them.

today on facebook i learned that a friend is one the way to china to adopt a baby girl. our youth pastor and his wife are in the process of adopting a child from ethiopia and are sharing their journey through a blog. i really love this aspect of technology, the part where even though i live 10 hours away from my friend going to china, i can share in the experience with them. the part i don’t like is all of the garbage out there. the garbage and instant access to it all contributed to what my life is now, that of a single mom with three kids.

i went back to school several years ago to finish my degree but i have taken the past year off because of everything that has been going on. but i think it is time to go back to school and finally finish the degree so that maybe i can move into a better paying job. the issue though is what degree should i get. i am pretty close to completing a psych degree and i really like where i work and that degree is in the field i am already working in. so it would probably be a good idea to get the psych degree. but i have also been considering a degree in organizational management. that would be useful in other fields. so decisions, decisions.

well i think i have probably rambled on enough seeing as how my word count is almost 900. i just looked at the i had typed in for this post, randomness, and I guess i have used that before because the web address for this post is randomness-3. oh well. it is what it is as my brother loves to say.

The middle of summer

This is week 5 of the kids 10 week summer vacation. They have been busy even on vacation. Craig spent the first week with C and her kids going to Cub Scout camp. During the day he had a blast at camp. Each night when it was time for bed he was homesick. This was the first time he had ever been away from home for an extended period. And not only was he away from home, his sisters were not there with him. But he survived and came home with lots of smiles. I met C and her family at Downtown Disney to pick Craig up. After I gave him a big hug I noticed that he had lost his other front tooth. He has no idea when he lost it. But now he has trouble eating corn on the cob. =)

The second week was VBS at church. Sarah was able to be a crew leader this year since she volunteered last year. Kaley was an assistant crew leader. Craig had fun learning more about God and His plan for our lives.

Sarah & Kaley got to see Toy Story 3 with the youth group on opening weekend. I must confess it was a little hard for me to drop them off at the movie theater instead of staying with them. They are growing up so fast and I know I have to loosen my grasp on them but sometimes it is hard for me to do. I want them to keep their childhood innocence for as long as possible. As a late birthday present I took Craig and a friend to see Toy Story 3. I must say I liked the third movie as much as the first two. Toy Story has been one of my favorite Pixar movies since it came out.

This week the kids are spending time with Grandpa T. Today they took a train ride over to Tampa for the day. Grandpa T has always liked to take the kids to the train station in Winter Park to watch the trains. Tomorrow they are heading to the beach for a few days. They will be back home on Friday. As much as I love my kids, I am enjoying a few days of quiet. I will be ready for them to be home on Friday.

Work has been keeping me busy. More and more I really enjoy my job. I am an admin specialist now. I really enjoy this much more than being on the phones. I also have been able to learn another part of the business as I am now working on the Inpatient side of things. We are supposed to be having our annual reviews soon and with that comes a raise. More money is always nice!

Well I should sign off. I am going to try to post a little more often. I really do enjoy writing and have let the busyness of life keep me from doing one of the things I love.